Tuesday, January 01, 2013

2013 and a look back on 2012

Happy New Year!

In all honestly 2012 was a rough year for us.  Here are some things that happened -

Chris needed some dental work done in the Winter/Spring and that put us a little more into debt than we would have liked.  But praise God for dentists and a healthier mouth!

The day school let out for Summer break in May Sean came down with a nasty stomach virus and that pretty much attacked our whole family until about the middle of June.  I know it may seem trivial.  It was just a virus and we got over it, but it sure made the start to the Summer a really big bummer :/

On the 4th of July our AC stopped working.  It was HOT!  Last Winter we had problems with our heater also and since the AC and the Heater were installed in our house at the same time several, several years ago we went ahead and replaced both.  Again putting us even more in debt than we would have liked.  But we were able to get a low interest loan from our bank and we are working on paying that back.  It was one of those things that needed to be done, so we did it and we are adjusting our budget to get it paid off.  Praise God for cool air over the hot Summer and heat this Winter!  It's wonderful to be able to rely on our new AC and heater, but it really hurt our finances this year.

In July we were hit with yet another virus.  I remember I hurt so bad and I was so exhausted that I ended up having to sleep all day and all night and I am pretty sure Chris took a day off of work just so I could sleep.  I think a big part of why I was so wiped out was because I was also pregnant at the time and it just took me a while to get better and back to normal.  Looking back I kind of wonder if this virus was what caused me to miscarry the baby...  I guess I will probably never really know, but I remember having a very high fever and feeling like I was going to pass out when I stood up.  The one positive to this kind of sickness is being able to cuddle with my babies to comfort them ♥

In August we found out that the baby had passed away at 11 weeks and I was experiencing a missed miscarriage.  I won't go into the details, but I felt like my heart was broken and I would never be the same again.  I was sad off and on for a very long time.  But God is so good and He has gotten me through.  It still makes me sad and probably always will when I think about it, but I am thankful that I am finally feeling like myself again.

In September I had a D&C procedure at 14 weeks since I still hadn't passed the baby and I didn't want it to happen on Lily's birthday.  Sometimes I hate myself for not waiting longer and letting the miscarriage happen on it's own, but I really think it was the best choice for me, especially after talking to my doctor about it after the procedure.  Again, this procedure has put us even more in debt.  We are making payments and doing the best we can and God has been providing for us in ways that we haven't always expected, but I have to admit that every time we got a bill  in the mail from the hospital or the doctor's office it just felt like a knife in my heart.  Just another reminder of my loss.

Just a few days before Christmas our fence fell over in the backyard and we were sick with the flu on Christmas day.  But we are alive and on the mend, so praise God for that!  Fences can be fixed and being sick on Christmas isn't the worst thing that could happen.  Just in the moment it felt like a really horrible thing.

Now since the year was not just full of bad things happening I wanted to highlight some of the positive things that happened each month in 2012 -

January 2012 - Lily becomes attached to Eleanor ♥ This might seem silly to report, but it's kind of a big deal.  Lily is mommy's girl, so when she started getting attached to Eleanor it made me so happy and Eleanor too!  Eleanor loves to baby her little sister :)

February 2012 - I donated 14 inches of my hair to Locks of Love.  I am now in the process of growing it back out.  My Cousin had done the same thing a while before me and our Grandma had lost her life to cancer in February of 2011, so it felt good to do that in her honor and memory.

March 2012 - Sean lost his two top teeth.  Eleanor turned 5 and we had a super fun and sweet Strawberry Shortcake birthday party for her.  My dad and I had our birthdays that month too.  Praise God for family and life!

April 2012 - We enjoyed a nice Easter with family and we welcomed my new Nephew into the world!  Love you Tabby and Toby ♥

May 2012 - Was the start of Summer break and I got Lily started on cloth diapers.  Again kind of silly, but the cloth diaper made me happy and they are so cute, so I thought I would mention it lol ;)

June 2012 - Sean turned 7.  We went on a trip to Missouri to visit family, where we had a super cool party for Sean.  Sean's Grandma also had a birthday in June on the same day as Sean! Eleanor lost her first tooth.  My sister and her kids came to visit for the Summer.  It was so great to be able to spend time with them and get to know baby Toby a little bit.  Little dude is growing up so fast though.  Wish we lived closer.

July 2012 - Had lots of fun with Cousins, swimming etc... Celebrated Independence day with family and also celebrated Sean's birthday again with the Cousins.  Chris also had a birthday this month.  Found out I was pregnant.

August 2012 - Sean started 2nd grade in a new classroom with a new teacher and Eleanor started Kindergarten and she got Sean's old classroom and his Kindergarten teacher.  Can't believe I have two little smarties in school now!  How did that happen?

September 2012 - Lily turned 2 and we celebrated with a pink bear party.  My sister also had a birthday this month.  September was full of ups and downs with the loss of the baby and having the procedure done in the hospital, but I am grateful for my family and for my children and for the little blessings in life that we sometimes take for granted.

October 2012 - The kids started helping me with dishes and that was fun and very wet, but very sweet and helpful of them :)  My mom had a birthday this month!  Went to Missouri to visit family and visited a pumpkin patch while there.  Chris and I got to see Celtic Thunder in Kansas City and that was a fun concert! :)

November 2012 - We had a nice Thanksgiving celebration at home and just enjoyed the company of our own little family.  November was a very "normal" month and for that I am grateful, but it sure seems like it went fast and looking back I really don't remember anything else that happened, but I think that's Ok.

December 2012 - Decided to take a little step back from facebook.  I still check in once, sometimes twice a day, but I am limiting my time there.  Going to try to do more reading and blogging and much more quiet time with the Lord.  Chris and I celebrated 10 years of marriage.  Chloe turned 4.  We had a gingerbread party for her.  We made her a gingerbread house shaped cake and we decorated a gingerbread house during her party.  Fun times!  Went to Missouri to visit family.  Saw two guys from Celtic Thunder in Kansas City.  Had a little New Year's Eve party with my parents ♥

While typing all this out and thinking back on the year I was struck by how much we do have to be thankful for and how blessed we really are.  It's so easy to take life for granted when things are going along smoothly.  So I guess in a way I am grateful for a rough year because it made us step back and look at what is most important and I feel like my relationship with my Savior has gotten stronger.

This year will always stand out to me in the future just for the fact that I had a miscarriage.  But I have my other children here with me.  My husband has a job.  We have our health.  We have a home.  God has provided us with food and clothes for our family.  We are being able to pay our bills.

On Chloe's birthday on December 19th I was suddenly struck with such sadness realizing that there were parents who were laying their babies to rest after the school shooting in Connecticut while I was celebrating my baby's life!  I just can't even imagine what that would be like, so again I am thankful for my blessings big and small.  My rough year was minuscule compared to what some other people have gone through.

This year like every year and every day I want to continue to try to remember to be thankful for each day and for each little blessing that God gives to us.  Anything can happen or be taken away from us in an instant, but one thing remains - God is good even in the midst of a cruddy year - God is good!

Looking forward to 2013 to see what God has in store!


  1. I enjoy reading your updates :) It's sometimes hard to think that people you never met are going through trials too. A lot of times it's only the happy, positive things that are posted. I'm seriously going to plan a trip to the west someday :) Blessing to an wonderful 2013!

  2. Oh Liv, it HAS been a memorable year. Tears streamed from my eyes as I read this. Tears of loss and sorrow and tears of the joy in the goodness and mystery of God. I love you, babe.

  3. I love you, Liv. You're so special to me.

  4. Love this! The happy parts anyway, and I know we have to accept the bad with the good; and know that it makes us stronger, and has a purpose. Sometimes it's hard to realize what it is, but I believe it's there none-the-less. And I don't know how you can keep so organized remembering what happened each month. Last year is a blur to me, everything blended into one big blob of time:)

  5. Good recap, I liked how you highlighted good and bad parts. Keeps it real! And yes, the hard times do draw us closer to the Lord. Love you!